Discovery Essay "Glossing"

Although we have only written two papers in this class, this essay seems to be the hardest for me. However, I am really enjoying writing and reading about technology, becasue it truly is amazing how far we have come. I think that my essay has a recurring theme of the affects of being addicted to the Blackberry. Although I discuss good things and bad things about this phone, all of the points in my paper could somehow be incorporated to addiction. For example, one of the positive affects that I mention in the paper is that people end up working longer hours which earns them higher paychecks. However, this could also be seen as being "addicted" to the Blackberry because people are easily tempted to work on their phone all day if it earns them more money. The theme of family in the second and sixth paragraphs surprised me because I was struggling to find a way to bring my own personal life into my paper. the most high-tech thing I own is an Ipod, so naturally it was hard for me to find a good personal story to add into my essay. I found it kind of ironic that I mention my dad in this discovery essay on technology, becasue he is usually the last person that would come to my mind when I think about technology. I think that this theme of family and my personal experience with the Blackberry needs to be developed a lot more so that the reader will stay interested in my paper. I hope to make the paper more interesting by adding more stories about my dad and his new Blackberry as opposed to statistics and facts. For the most part, I think that my themes fit together pretty nicely. They all have a connection through the Blackberry even though I discuss positive and negative effects of the phone. My main concern about the essay is the organization of it. I do move from personal experience to public information, but I try to transition in a manner that is not confusing for the reader. However, I think that I need to add more personal experience in my essay because it does not balance out as well as I would like. I think adding more personaly exeperience would help the audience understnad my positive and negative points more. It might also give them a more personal feeling about the paper. All in all I think that my paper is good start, but I could definitely clean up my transition sentences a bit. There is room for personal opinions and stories in order to make my paper longer, so hopefully I can take care of that as well. I look forward to editing my paper and putting more of my own thoughts into it.